Footy

My evening incarnation is delivering curries for a well known and respected curry establishment locally. The owner employs about 10 part time drivers and I get a call about 2 or 3 times a week. He also employs about 10 chefs. The head chef (apart from the owner Kalik) is Roshali- known as "Johnny" who is a fanatic Man U supporter. He knows I am a Gooner and there is a friendly rivalry ! So there we were - the chefs don't have a radio or TV in the kitchens and we have the radio on in the delivery vans. Saturday night - big game - that lot v Spurs (its a bit "galling" for a "gooner" to want Spurs to win - but as you know - anything to slow that lot down at the top of the league. Great stuff - half time comes and The Londoners are two up !!!!! - All the drivers kid Johnny that one team is winning two nil - He naturally assumes its his lot and is crowing !!! - Ah well - best laid plans etc it ends up 5 to 2 - drat and double drat so the really good surprise of telling him that it was Spurs two Man U nil didn't come off
funny old game !
rats
mog

Budget

Only one thing to say
"OH BUGGER"
taxed out of existance again
Mog

Gas Bill

In the immortal words of a certain other "grumpy old man" I do not believe it ! We don't use gas for water heating and have only had the heating on twice in the last couple of weeks - Has an "estimated" gas bill for over two hundred pounds - rang in meter reading and they said they would adjust it. They sent a meter reader ! - He confirmed reading - had a phone call saying it was now over three hundred pounds !!! They rang again today - now over four hundred pounds and we haven't used any gas since the meter reader came !!! I can't wait to get rid of the house now and go "full time" caravanning it. Gas comes in bottles and you know when its running out ! Electricity comes either from the site - which is charged for in the site fee - or if no electric points we have a generator - which does about 10 hours continuous running on about 5 litres. Central heating runs off either gas or electric - so the bills are finite and can be checked - not some call centre in India making vague threats and meters that seem to go faster than you are using the products
roll on
mog

Another Year

Another year has passed me by
Is this my fate - work till I die ?
I thought by now I could slow down
Relax, play golf and lay around
No such luck I hear you cry
work harder is the great retort
wife and mortgage to support !

never mind - you're a long time dead

cheers
Mog

Ah Well

At least Arsenal won - and by good luck I saw most of the goals - but had to put up with quite a lot of Ronaldo poncing about !
cheers
mog

Conspiracy

It's a bleeding conspiracy. Has anyone else noticed that when European Footy is on, they ALWAYS put Liverpool and Chelsea on on one night and - you guessed it Man U and The Arsenal on the next ! (It being now almost a foregone conclusion that they all will reach the last four) The porbelm ? problem !! is that I are a long time Gooner and She who must be obeyed is a long time fan of that other club. This then leads to having to either "flash" between the two, or watching one half of each (always provided that it doesn't clash with Eastenders !- In which case we (she) watches that and then we get to watch a quarter of Arsenal and then a half of that other club) . If we "flash" we also get to miss the goals as they are invariably scored as we fleetingly watch the other channel. I remember Elvis had a "wall" of TVs - It seems that the only way I will get to watch a whole match is to do that - OR maybe that other club will get knocked out (fat chance)OR perhaps it might be a great final !!
Up the Arsenal
(Right up the Reds)
cheers
mog

Happy hols

Have been on me hodilades ! First time out with the caravan since Christmas. Our friends come down from Blackburn and we meet them sort of half way - This time we went to the Welsh Borders - Near Hereford. Lots of Black and White houses, hills and far too many Welsh persons. Went to the Elan Valley to look at dams etc and she who must be obeyed led me down a road which was only just bigger than a track - about four miles with no passing places, at one stage going through a farm yard which the farmer had thoughtfully gated - got out to open gate and was met with a really manic looking dog ! - opened and shut gates - very carefully and drove slowly through !! lots of wine, eating al fresco (very unusual for this time of year) and sleeping in till 8 am ! cor what a delight it would have been if the small sod dog had not taken all the quilt
anyway home today and back to the papers at 0420 tomorrow
Bliss
Mog

Bowling

Today, I am bowling. We belong to Carterton Bowls club and are still "indoors". This means a very flat carpet and florescent lights. It should be boring as the bowls run true and theoretically, should behave the same every time. But as you know, if you watch the bowling on the TV you will know that even the "pros" can’t get it right all the time – So its quite a contemplative sport. I can see the attraction that it had to Sir Francis Drake who made the bastards wait whilst he finished his game on the Hoe ! I belong to a three person team and we bowl against another team on Friday afternoons . No Curry delivering tonight so I can enjoy it, and watch the bowls running true and in the gentle curve that they are designed to do – whether they hit the "jack" (the small yellow ball we aim at) is another thing !
Cheers
Mog

More Fresh Disasters

Well – I had to sell the motorcycle, in order to (hopefully) put She who must be obeyed’s car back on the road. We SORN’d it back in August last year as we could not afford to run two cars and a bike. Having had a dreadful winter and only putting about 100 miles on the bike, it seemed sensible to sell it and put the aforsaid car back on the road. So It was dutifully booked in for service and MOT at a local garage, who said it should be done by late afternoon. Off we went shopping, getting home at lunch time. Message on the answerphone "Ring Garage!!" in the immortal words of James May "Oh Cock"
"Sorry, but your car has major problems"
"Water has got into the sills and the bushes in the suspension have frozen, is going to cost more than the car is worth to fix"
Upshot being the car was scrapped, and I have now had to find another !
Cheepo – old "P" reg Rover 416 – not in too bad nick - £450. New MOT, new tyres and new brake pads etc., couple of months Tax. Will have to do
Driving home in the new car, saw a year newer Rover 416, same colour even for £350 ! "Oh Cock" again
Driving Miss Daisy again
Mog

Time

Sometimes
I sits and thinks
Sometimes
I just sits
Sitting
mog

Blur

Due to circumstances beyond my control (the need to earn a living being uppermost) I have worked all weekend again. Papers in morning and currys in evening. Consequently I was totally cream crackered and kept falling asleep on Sunday - I didn't even look at the e mail - bad move - there were nearly 100 this morning - mostly spam but couldn't delete the lot as there were several real ones in there ! - never mind - another week started - going on me hodilades for a week next tuesday - yipee - a whole week of not having to get up before sparrow fart
cheers
mog

Dark Grey Dog

It must be the weather - or I perhaps suffer from SADs (or maybe just a sad old git) But today was a grim day. Woke up neck still stiff and sore. Headache. She who must be obeyed and dogs still snoring ! - Came down - looked out - dark grey - very windy. Went out to start car and there was rain in the wind. So put on rain wear. Got hot and sticky - on the way to work! Oxford Times day - great thick thing that won't go through the average letter box and so it went on. Got right round and found I had one Ox Times left ! Great - where was that supposed to go. Suddenly remembered - the house with the stone gargoyles (or perhaps small orcs!) They usually have an Ox Times. Check sheet - yep ! Now running late. All the way back down the A40 - very busy at this time (0855) check box and sho'nuff no Ox Times. Big sigh of relief. Notice now that van running v short of gas. Was going to fill it but now very late so - back to HQ and finish - Get home and pick up recycling bin lids - high winds put them all over the place, put our neighbour's bin back in his drive (it's well marked with his house number !) retrieve ours
and home is the hunter, home from the hill and the printed media distribution operative back from getting cold and wet
HO bloody HO
mog

Random Musings

Grief - Yesterday was my sister's 60'th Birthday. Tempus bloody well does Fugit, and Sic Transit Gloria Mundi has gone long past tuesday and almost at the Weekend ! Driving down a long farm road in the half light of dawn, when simultaneously Classic FM started playing one of my all time favourites (Rachmaninoff's variation on a theme by Paganini) and the sun rose like a huge freshly minted sovereign over the trees - not too bad a start I thought. Glanced at the headlines - Right wing papers saying the Bank of England has fallen out with GB, T and A papers on (still) about Jade (can't they let the poor woman rest in peace)Although the apparent news that she hasn't left her twunt of a husband anything, the fact that FM champ Alonso is taking a "6 million" pay cut and Fred the Shred's house and car have been vandalised are on the plus side today. French politicians are getting even better looking according to the Telegraph - and the poor woman who lost her husband to Pirates off Burma seem to be a cross section of the papers this AM Nice small piece about David Beckham meeting disabled ex servicemen along with the rest of the England team - I'm really beginning to like that guy - not scandalous, loves his kids, does good deeds for the Country and is so proud to wear the England shirt, he's even paid to stay in Europe and play so he doesn't loose his sharpness ! Good to see someone is doing something positive
cheers
mog

Superstitions

I used to be very superstitious. No walking under ladders, no placing new shoes on tables, and all sorts of other mindless things. I started the round the other morning, ensured that I saw several rabbits to start the day, said hello to several magpies. Consciously counting, one for sorrow, two for joy etc., I even said "Hello" to the caravan as I passed the storage depot. I then touched the paw of a wooden "Hawks head" Bear outside one of the properties, said hello to the Model Meercats on the wall when I started the deliveries. I tried to drive to exactly the same spot to turn round in some of the drives, touching the carved "Rams Head"on one gate and the model snails on another. Walking on the stones of a path so that I miss the cracks, stroking the tummy of a "Buddha" and the side of a horse shoe. Ater rubbing the head of a Stone tortoise, and stroking several model snails, and last of all speaking to two stone gargolyes on top of gate pillars, I decided that enough is enough and Whatever happens it does not change your "Luck" in this world – so Sod the lot.
Aaaargh
Me lottery numbers have not come up AGAIN,
Sor back to work this week
mog

More thoughts from a Van

I drive alone in my small van
And think dark thoughts of life, and man
My mind a turmoil of emotion,
Of deeds not done
And words unspoken.
Is there a purpose to this life,
Should I continue with the strife.
The dawn comes up and with the sun
My spirits lighten,thoughts less glum
I drive on home, my spirits rise
Its four hours gone, to my surprise
My dogs come down to say hello
Wagging tails and and out to go
They love with no conditions asked
Just food and strokes, and good repast
Why so sad they seem to say
Not sad, just tired , it’s just my way !

Music Two

Savage Garden, playing Affirmation came on Jack FM the other night. It took me back to the Opening night of the Aussie Olympics. Another great night. Music does bring things back. I am opening my mind again to the influence of it. Remembering great nights. The Music for the Royal Fireworks on a magic night at Hampton Court. La Rejouissance still stands the hair up on the back of my neck. The first time I heard the Emperor, 5th Piano – the incredible sound of the piano. Yo Yo Ma playing Bach. From A Distance by Nancy Griffith. They all have special memories.
Some sad, like Pavarotti singing Vesti La Giubba (on with the Motley) at the end of Pagliacci. Some happy, like the night She who must be obeyed and I went to Wembly to see the "Who" re-union and Pete Townshend smashed his guitar again at the end of a memorable Pinball Wizard.
Listening still
Mog

Music - one

Have begun to take an interest in music again. Slowly coming back to life. I have Classic FM on in the van and a local rock station "Jack FM" on the Curry delivery van in the evening. I was thinking about the emotions that music can evoke. Like the night in the early 70’s when I was a part of a choir that took part in the very first "Messiah from Scratch" at the Albert Hall. We had been rehearsing for months but were not prepared for the vast numbers of people gathered at the Albert Hall that night. No one knew what to expect. No spectators, we were all performers that night.
We were all directed to our parts of the Hall. The tenors were up near the Organ with a good view of proceedings. I could see several of our choir across the hall amongst the Sopranos, altos and part of the orchestra.
"Right" said the Conductor/Organiser. "Let’s do the Haleluliah Chorus as a warm up, and get right in to it". The blast of sound was breathtaking. It came to life and as the last Amen sounded, for a few seconds there was complete silence, and I was not ashamed that tears were running down my cheeks. I noticed that others were similarly overcome. There was uproar after that and it took a little while for things to calm down before one of the most emotional nights of my life. I still get choked up when I hear the Messiah.
Cheers
Mog

Voice Recorder

I found that my PDA has a voice recorder function, so I took it with me this morning and tried to make some sort of sense of my thoughts. As I drove and my mind spun I gave some disjointed comments which I am now trying to make sense of. It does not so far, but I shall keep trying.
"Fat bastards, living on Social Services" – Too lazy to work ? Always worked, too proud to ask Government and other thoughts along these lines ??Footballer changing name to "Austin Tayshun"- remember that one - Gallas buying the Chrome plated Merc !. Family too fat to work and too busy watching TV to try slimming - Why am I getting up at 0400 to deliver papers ? to keep paying the bills and making sure we eat ! They meanwhile are Scrounging ! - Got Diabetes - So What - So has She who must be obeyed - Got Asthma - So What - So have I.
Arrrgh
Mog

Not a sparrow falls

This morning a small sparrow apparently fell out of the sky and landed in the road by the van. I saw it out of the corner of my eye as I passed. I thought at first I had hit it as I could see it fluttering feebly in the gutter. I did the delivery, turned round and drove back, stopping at the point where I thought the bird was.Sure enough it was laying in the gutter. It appeared to be still breathing and not at all damaged so I picked it up and put it on the top of an electricity supply box. It was still warm and showed no sign of being hit by the van. I will stop and look tomorrow to see if it has gone - or perhaps gone on. Puts a crimp in the day as I remembered the old bible quote !
sad
Mog

Holding Hands ??

One of the leaders in the Telegraph today was the story that a Chief Constable has banned his constables from patrolling in pairs ! Good Grief. Back in the day when Robert Peel was a probationer we had Sergeants that remembered "the good old days" When they were marched out as a shift by the Sergeant to their respective "Beats" and were to patrol their beats so that the only time they saw another bobby was when they had completed one circuit of the beat and saw their opposite number completing his. You were not allowed to stop and converse with him (it was a favourite practice of Sergeants and Inspectors to hide in the vicinity in the hope of catching Constables "Idling and Gossiping", as the offence !! was known)It was still an offence when I joined and, if caught conversing with another Constable when out on the beat - unless for strictly duty matters meant at least a couple weeks "shaking hands" with the door handles on the isolated industrial estate. Which also meant that you had to take your refreshments with you as there was no chance to get back to the Station for a meal break ! After at least 12-15 months of foot patrol (on your own!!) you may just have got a driving course. Successful completion, of which did not guarantee a car ! It was strictly seniority rules. If one of the Senior Constables was off for any reason, you got a drive for half the shift, and another lucky junior got to drive the other half. Otherwise it was foot patrol. The only real time you got to meet up with colleagues was an organised event such as a Friday night road check - where we all met up at a specified point (usually a natural "choke point" such as a junction) The cars would then each take a passenger and take up points as "stoppers" in case the motorist did not want to stop for the officer waving his lamp and holding up his hand !The Sergeant would usually supervise this activity from the warmth of his car, and only emerge if the customers got either over stroppy, or in some cases violent - These were the early days of the breathalyser and a lot of the motorised public believed that eight or ten pints were normal and only when you got over a dozen were you a bit suspect in your driving !! Some of the bastards were so pissed that they did not see you at all - let alone the swinging lamp (we wore dark blue clothing in those days - we did not want to be seen when on patrol - it was easier to creep up on the villains). I spent a good deal of my days as a village bobby - and, as such, automatically patrolled on my own. I only saw another constable if, by chance, they were delivering some paperwork to the police house. Again, if I spoke to the Sergeant and asked for an operation - pub raid, road check or, in the latter days when we had radios that sometimes worked requested assistance to deal with a really stroppy customer!
Patrolling in pairs !! my Arse!
cheers
mog

Red in Tooth and Claw

I was enjoying watching nature in the early mornings - even getting to recognise some of the birds ! I was forgetting that some of the animals don't subscribe to the "live and let live" theory. One of my deliveries takes me to a dealer in fancy birds, chickens, pheasants etc, which he keeps in pens in his large garden. This morning he was out surrounded by large piles of feathers and smashed pens. It would appear that a fox had got in and not just decimated the birds, but killed the lot ! He tries his best to keep the pens fox proof, but sometimes the fox wins ! This was one of them. He killed at least a dozen birds - one of which would have been enough to feed him - if he was just hungry ! Ah well - nature is, as they say
Red in tooth and Claw
not a great day
Mog

Sunday

It seems that I was a bit previous about the week. Friday the 13th went well, all smooth with the papers and the rounds.With the exception of the Hotel who rang after I had been and gone and asked for another Racing Post. When I got back for the second rounds the Boss checked the ordered numbers and we were right ! So took out the paper before starting the second round. The Hotel guest was standing at the desk tapping his fingers and complaining loudly that he had ordered the paper why was it late etc etc (only about 15 minutes anyway!) Looking at the hotel order book I could see that there was only 2 Racing Posts ordered and 2 delivered so either the night clerk had not written it in (or, more likely, he had not ordered one) Luckily he did not start on me. I just gave my best shit eating grin, handed him the paper, and left ! Saw a pair of greenfinches at the farm - very impressive little birds. Another dead badger and a dead muntjak on the bypass ! There must be a lot of them about as so many are getting killed !
Quiet Sunday - again all papers on time, rounds done and off without problems
cheers
Mog

Better - Friday the Thirteenth ?

Well, after a week of "Fresh Disasters"(As Alvar Lidell once sucinctly put it)(Never mind, before your time)Things went like a dream this morning. Papers on time, all counted correctly, papers put up and rounds completed, all before 0615 - All rounds taken out, papers taken to deliverers and the Hotel, and back to HQ at about 0850 ! a good four hours work. The only fly in the "oinkment" was that I only get 4 hours pay instead of the usual 4 1/2 hrs on Fridays. Ah well, can't have it all. Curry delivering tonight - hope all goes well on this
cheers
happier Mog

Snake Bit

Nothing has gone right this week - Monday late finish due to papers late. Tuesday One paper completely missing - had to make special deliveries to those - so again late finish. Wednesday forgot to charge the hotel for the paper taken late Tuesday ! Thursday - too many of One sort of paper, not enough of another. Had to check all rounds and papers on shelves in shop to re-assure the boss that I had not mis- counted (a not infrequent occurrence due to large numbers of papers flying about at 0500 hrs !)Then ring suppliers to find out that they had not even sent the right delivery to us ! Also bloody Oxford Times day - a great thick tome that won't go through letter boxes- at least remembered to charge the Hotel for the extra paper! Lots of extra Racing Post's this week. We usually have two, one for a professional gambler who lives in great style locally and one for the shelves - 20 a day for the last week !! - is there some sort of Race Meeting on locally ?? Boss and wife off to the Races on Friday so it should be quiet (er)
So much has gone wrong this week I'm beginning to think I'm snake bit ! Won't be betting on any horses this week !
cheers
mog

Outrage

Having served my country in the Armed Forces, and latterly as a Police Officer I feel that I am entitled to have a real feeling of outrage against the recent turn of events. Firstly, in Ireland, where a really small group of fanatic criminals are committing murder against people who are committed to trying to make a peaceful place to live. Secondly, how can another small group of religious fanatics be allowed to denigrate our troops with such insulting behaviour. I don not believe that real followers of Islam, one of the world's great religions condone their behaviour, any more than true Irish patriots condone the actions of a few of these mindless criminals. Good Grief - Churchill, Drake, Wellington etc., must be turning in their graves. As a thought would anyone be allowed to make insulting placards against Suicide Bombers and terrorists and demonstrate outside Mosques ?
feeling angry
Mog

Dry Stone Walls - 2

I was again looking at the local dry stone walls and I noticed that some of the newer ones seemed to be falling down more often than the older ones. I spoke to one of the wallers and he told me that the old methods using just the stones themselves seemed to be going out of fashion. The new methods seemed to be just putting the stones in willy nilly and then using cement to keep them in place. During the snowy season recently the water permeates the cement, freezes and then when it warms up it cracks and the bonds break, and the walls fall down! It is apparantly much quicker to build this way and does not need the years of experience in dry stone walling. So maybe I was wrong about the old crafts - or maybe not so many people wanting to learn the long and laborious process of creating the work of art that is a dry stone wall
cheers
mystic mog

Ball point pens

In the modern digital world, it's easy to forget that we need the humble ball point. The information about how many papers we order, receive and the different numbers of each we need for the rounds are all computerised now. So all we need to do is open the bundles and count the papers into the various heaps. Then the fun begins ! We then take a round and the computerised round sheet. Lay the papers out and we then need to mark up each paper with the name or house number. This now involves the aforesaid ball point pen. Having cunningly hidden the best writing one on a stock shelf, behind the tins of dog food you think - no problemo ! Rats its gone !! "All right, who's nicked me pen?" blank look from Jim ! "No idea", "What did it look like?" - "You know. It was the Christmas promotion one from the Curry house" "Ah, that one. I saw it out by the tills last night !" Quick search of the till area - no sign. "Find another" Says Jim. Easier said than done. You would think that in a fairly large general store a pen would not be difficult to find. At this point the boss comes in "What's the problem?" "Why aren't the rounds started?" "Some one's pinched me pen" says I. "What's it look like?" says the boss. "You know, the Christmas promotional one from the Curry house"
"Ah", says he "It was in the kitchen yesterday afternoon. One of the girls was using it to write out the bread order" Another search, no trace. Eventually find an old leaky "Bic" and moodily mark up the rounds, muttering "$%^&**** to myself. Early turn till person comes in. Goes to sign in and "AH HA" he pulls out my "special" pen. "Gizz it, you hairy tea leaf"
"Wot?" says he (an early morning intellectual) "Me special pen", "I'll cut your hand off at the wrist, you thieving git"Injured innocence. "The boss gave me this yesterday. It was in the staff toilet and I needed one to take a special phone order.""I hid it behind the dog food after doing the rounds yesterday" "How did it get into the staff loo?" "No idea, but as possession is nine points of the law, I got it and I'm keeping it" Re-enter the boss, with a large box of new, retractable ball points, all shiny and with nice clean ball points etc. "I'm tired of all this business about pens, so I went to Office World and bought a box of them". All serene for about a week no problems, all rounds marked up, no problem finding a pen. THEN the cry goes up - "Where's me pen!!" GONE AND NEVER CALLED ME MOTHER !!!! and the great ball point hunt begins again

Wild Life

One of the very few good things about working at 0 Dark Early, or Sparrow Fart as it is sometimes known, is the opportunity to see more of the various fauna that inhabit these isles.This week I have seen foxes, rabbits, hawks, kestrels, several types of deer and lots of different types of other birds. There seems to be great proliferation of magpies recently. I know that single magpies are seen as bad luck by some, but I love to see the black and white, smart looking birds exploding into the air as I drive down the roads. I see lots of singles, doubles and if there is a good "road kill" up to five or six at once. Sometimes in the early dawn, I see a late returning barn owl, gliding over the fields on wide spread wings, and the bright green backs of a pair of woodpeckers. Its nice to see so many different birds and animals and helps brighten my mundain existence a little when I see something new, a different bird or animal and I look forward to seeing it again
cheers
mog

Dry Stone Walls

We live in a particularly beautiful part of the world, on the edge of the Cotswolds. This area is noted for its small, well kept fields, bounded by the Cotswold stone dry walls. These walls are things of beauty, and sometimes very old. They provide nooks and crannies for wild flowers, nesting places for field birds. They are built now by craftsmen who maintain the traditional methods, using just the stones making a gigantic jigsaw puzzle fitting the pieces so well that they maintain a great structural integrity, using the rubble from the fitting as a "filler" between the two outer layers. The top is finished with stones put upright like the plates on some ancient dinosaur. The small country roads I drive along are defined by these walls. Over the years, as they need maintenance, the farmers either employ the traditional "Dry Stone Wallers", or re-build them themselves. This makes for a patchwork colour as the walls weather. Seldom are the walls completely re-built as it would be prohibitably expensive. There are some great estates (Blenhiem Palace et al) that have literally miles of dry stone wall. I sometimes wonder how long it took them to build, and how much they cost !! (In today’s money I don’t think even the Duke could afford to have them built). One of the great estates out by Little Barrington had a really big wall re-built – It took the best part of a year and the stone at present is that lovely honey colour. It turns grey over the years as it weathers and gathers moss and lichens. But now it is a sight to see! I am trying to estimate how long various walls (and repairs) have been up, by comparing them to one of these new built walls. It’s also great to see that there are, at least some of the traditional crafts (other than the ubiquitous "Thatchers") are still extant
Just a thought !!
Mog.

Black Dog

Churchill used to suffer from fits of depression, which he called "the Black Dog". Foreign Legionnaires suffered from similar depression known as "Le Caffard".I really wonder sometimes if I am following in this tradition or am just feeling sorry for myself ! It starts with the feeling that I am not doing my job to the best of my abilities. Even such futile jobs as box packing, curry delivery, stacking bottles on a conveyer belt (for Blenhiem Palace Water) and other minimum wage jobs that I have had to take on in the last couple of years. I then really start to worry about paying the bills, and even if we have got enough to get such silly fripperies like food ! I stop reading (this is when it gets really bad as I am addicted to books and usually we will buy a book and raid the deep freeze if the choice is reading or eating !!) I loose all interest in the Internet, play no games and
Then, when I am getting to the bottom of the heap I even stop listening to classical music, which, again is usually my life blood. I sit slumped in front of the infernal goggle box and let mindless programmes flow over me. This usually leads to an excess of red wine – although I have really stopped drinking Scotch as that makes the downward progression quicker. The deep freezer starts to empty and the bills still keep on coming. I then seem to make an unconscious decision and either pick up the ipod or a book and start to pull myself up again. It has been a long time since I felt the blogging urge. But I must get on with life and blgging helps me put it into perspective, and evaluate how deep my depressions are getting
Caio
mog

Black dog

I ponder
as I wander
through this life
is there any gain
for the pain ?
I think
Is it drink
that’s the answer
will it dull the drain
of the pain?
No – but it helps !!

Weekends

Saturdays and Sundays are different. The papers too are different.They are beginning to resemble those vast American Tomes that we used to see boys on strange looking bicycles throwing into peoples gardens (I WISH – If the papers are not put right through the letter box We get complaints – Its got wet – If you don’t put it right through you get a draft from the letter box slit, It gets jammed in the slit etc., etc.,) Any way they come in big heaps that we (me and Jim) have to put together before making up the rounds . The Telegraph boasts 11 sections, and I dread reading the others in the week that say "Free CD at the weekend" or even worse "Free book enclosed". They come in plastic bags, with the magazines and they ALWAYS are in an awkward position. This makes it very difficult to fold and put through the letter box. I have to spend time shaking the bag to get it into a position so that I can fold the mag and put it through the letter box slit.

cheers
Mog

Part the third

SOD IT – it will have to get me round the first half tomorrow as the garage doesn’t open till after 0700
"Why me" I bleat
I Now comes the worst bit of all. The customer who has been waiting all of 40 – 45 minutes for his morning "fix"
"Why are you so late??"
(They KNOW why) but can’t resist the dig
At this point I bite my lip and say:-
"Ever so sorry, the papers came in from the suppliers late"
When what I feel like saying is:-
"I’m late because I couldn’t be Arsed to get out of bed and thought I’d have a lay in, what do you think !!!"
Stagger round slowly coming to a boil and then think
"What does this matter in the great scheme of things?"
"Why am I upsetting my essential Wa or harmony?"
Deep breaths (Yeath and I’m only 16 (sorry couldn’t resist)
Get back into the yard and notice that the tank in the van is down on empty !!
then hear the deep voice of a vengeful God in my head
"’Cause you piss me off with your incessant whining!!"
Exit to the vague sounds of
"The sun will come out tomorrow"
AAAARGH
Mog

Papers late - part the secone

The Boss gets in and starts the in store baking at about 0600 and we were just explaining about the lack of Oxford Times, when the van turns up.
"Ah" says she
""They’ll have to go out with the rounds, as someone will be bound to ring in and complain !"
"B" followed by the word "’Ollocks" thinks me and Jim
Sooooo
All rounds de-constructed and Ox Times inserted !!
It’s now a good 40 minutes late before starting out
Which means –
I now have one of my real pet hates
I can usually get round the first half by 0710.
I don’t see anyone but the Slovakian night porter at the hotel where I drop off and he is a nice, quiet and even tempered guy.
I now get snarled up in the early traffic, making me later and later.
When I get to the hotel, guests who are leaving early waiting for papers
The night porter not happy either – We exchange shrugs and try and placate angry guests – which again makes me later. And so on and so on.
I then get back to load the second set of rounds
Paper boys waiting and getting fractious.
I then start meeting householders who either say
"You’re not the usual paper person – It used to be Allison" –
I then have to explain that she hurt herself a year ago and I have been doing the round since last year – The unfortunate thing about this is that there are several hundred people on the round and I seem to meet different ones every time the papers are late.

Papers Late This Morning - part the first

We have two main deliveries of papers and one smaller delivery of local Oxford papers. These usually arrive between 0430 and 0445. When they don’t, the problems begin. Late papers are usually down to:-
Breakdowns (punctures etc)
Accidents (the van drivers are like mad ferrets)
Traffic jams (due to other mad ferrets hitting each other !!)
Drivers getting lost (being as how they start at 0200 they don’t tend to last long – either totally peed off by the unsociable hours or a combination of a, b, and c above)
Very rarely - late papers from the printers (usually due to things like "hold the front page" for Presidential elections etc)
Acts of God (fire, flood, snow, plagues of locusts etc. Mad ferret drivers being smitten by a vengeful God- that’s their excuse any way)
So there we are this AM – both the main suppliers turned up, but the Weekly Oxford Times had not . Me and Jim – the other poor sod who has to get up and do the papers decided to carry on and do up the rounds without the Oxford Times. (As up until recently this weekly had been delivered on a Thursday afternoon and not put up on the rounds till Friday). We have the rounds done by about 0600 for me to load me van and be off by 0610. The local hotel rings at 0600 for their order and this is usually the last on the van.

More Thoughts from a Van

My job is so mind bogglingly boring, that I am in danger of sinking back into the apathy that gripped me in the last couple of years. It stopped me blogging, stifled any creative processes, and made me feel increasingly sorry for myself.I get angry with Judith (she who must be obeyed) for no good reason, and get even more angry with myself for doing so. I get up, go and do what has to be done, come home. Walk the dogs, make Judith’s breakfast, then go to bed for a couple of hours. Get up have a small lunch then take dogs out again. Put "Flashy" into his crate for a lay down, and then take Judith out – as she needs to get out of the house and go for a ride somewhere. Usually we need some minor shopping, which I try to spread out over the week so that we are not using fuel for nothing. Come home, sit down, watch "the box" feed dogs, make evening meal. Watch the box, take dogs for evening walk, then go to bed at about 10pm. This is enlivened by my second job, curry delivery on an ad hoc basis, usually a couple of nights a week. I finish this between 2100 and 2300 and get a curry to bring home for my trouble. Although eating curry at 2315 is not recommended, when you have to be up at 0415 !! This alternates with Bowling. Some Thursday and Friday evenings, and some Tuesday afternoons I go indoor bowling for a couple of hours. Usually, Judith comes with me to watch. She gave up bowling this year.Other than that, all I do is worry about paying the bills. A life with little purpose or direction. We had hopes of becoming Caravan Club Site Wardens, and even went for an Assessment day at Lingfield. We were rejected ! A very low point in an already low year. Not a lot to look forward to, a seven day working week just to eat and pay some of the bills. Can’t afford to take a holiday, or even a Sunday off at the present.
So Jack is an extremely dull boy !!

Thoughts in a van

The job has become almost automatic over the last few months. This leaves my mind free wheeling on the mostly deserted roads. I try to write Mcgonagallesqe poetry in my head as I drive. I am presently fascinated by the different forms, scansion and rhyme. The only real trouble is that I forget it before I get home. The same with ideas for short stories, and the continuing struggle with the plot of "THE BOOK". I get these great ideas, and think that I can get it on to the word processor when I get home. Not a hope, gone and "Never called me mother", as the old saying goes. I am currently thinking of getting one of those little "memo" recorders, so I can, "hold that thought". It will probably prove cringeworthy, but worth a try
cheers
Mog

Deja Vu ??

In the immortal words of Derek Trotter, "It's Deja Vu, all over again "!! Most of the more intelligent hacks have taken the same view (vu?) as I did, regarding the much miss-used Jade Goody (or Jade Tweed as she is now). The twist is the other lady who has totted up the highest score ever on University Challenge. She is being villified for being "too clever" and a "middle class misfit" in this "Benefit claiming" society. Although given the multitude of forms in vast prolixity and profusion needed to claim anything, you would probably need a degree in economics (in triplicate) to claim anything. Unless, of course, you claim that you are "literacy(literally!!) challenged", or an immigrant, (illegal of otherwise)then the Civil (vastly uncivil in most cases) Servants will happily do it for you. This, of course gets me on to one of my pet rants. The great education debate. Not now - its to depressing
cheers
mog

News? papers

One of the more confusing things about newspapers, is just that. What seems to constitute "News"? We get copies of most daily papers and the difference in the headlines is amazing. For instance most of the "lower brow" tabloids seem to have completely gone overboard the last couple of weeks with the never ending story of "Jade" - a poor girl who became famous for no real reason other than her being a really "thick" candidate on a reality TV programme. Her ups and up until now, perceived downs became the stuff of tabloid legend. Her terminal illness is tragic, and I can see her determination to leave her children in a really sound financial position, even though it means her inevitable downward spiral will no doubt be the meat and drink for the titillation of the masses ! The collapse of the world's economy, failing banks, house repossessions, political scandals, bush fires in Oz etc., all come a long way behind Jade's Wedding, in excruciating detail - who attended, how much it cost, how much the "exclusive" is going to make - much "tub thumping" by the tabloids on how they are helping ?? to raise cash for her family - I really hope they let her die with dignity and not a media frenzy. The aftermath is going to rival the dreadful "schmaltz" following the death of Diana ! Is this news ? or is this a modern version of "bread and circuses" to distract the people from Afghanistan, Iraq, finance etc., I'm not sure, but I know its going to get worse (God save us from 13 yr old fathers and strictly come dancing footballers wives !!)
getting depressed again
mog

Jobs

I have become what's known as a "Printed Media Distribution Operative". This involves getting up at 0415 hrs, making my way to a local "Corner Shop", and then sorting out about 500 papers into "rounds". Everything from The Times to "Fakt"(a Polish daily) and one Daily Record (for the ex pat Scot !) There are some interesting demographics. The various areas have strong ties to various brand names. The exclusive "Village" area is strong on Times and Telelgraph and the Council - oops Housing Associaton - area Sun and Mirror. Middle class more Mail but some Express, Independant and the 3 completely random (in area) Observers. When sorted into the rounds I take about 7 or 8 in bags out in the van to the Junior printed media distribution operatives - or paper boys and girls, leaving them by the gates to their houses, then I deliver two large outlying rounds, including the Village and a lot of local farms and businesses. I finish between 0900 and 1000 during the week and 1000 to 1100 on Saturdays (collecting cash) and Sundays - later start. More later

Sheep

I was wondering about sheep the other day, so I spoke to a local farmer. I asked him why sheep
don't shrink in the rain. He said that they do if you tumbledry them !! That kept me amused for most of the morning. A picture in my mind of Shawn the sheep with his little legs sticking out going round and round in the tumbledrier going "Baaaaaaa"
Not sure why I've started to blog again but the urge came apon me so I've started a new one
cheers
Mog